


our love (is six feet under)

by gajima



Category: King's Maker (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, But I Couldn't Give Up On The Idea, Character Hospitalisation, Don't Want To Tag Too Much Bc Spoilers, I Love Shin, I Love Wolfgang, IF NO ONE LIKES THIS PRETEND IT DOESNT EXIST HEHE X, Just Me Loving Them All, Like I Love Sys, Shin Goes Through Every Emotion, Shin Goes Through a Lot, Sys is the Greatest Friend on Earth as Per Usual, also?? shin isn’t fazed by anything it’s kinda incredible, anxiousness, hmmmm, not my best work sorry, uh, whispers im sorry idk what to say
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28479123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gajima/pseuds/gajima
Summary: i can't help but wonder,if our grave was watered by the rain—would roses bloom?alt: shin soohyuk remembers nearly everything — so why is that what he forgets is the most important?
Relationships: Wolfgang Goldenleonard & Shin Soohyuk, Wolfgang Goldenleonard/Shin Soohyuk
Comments: 14
Kudos: 14





	our love (is six feet under)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> don't come back, it won't end well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly if no one vibes with this we look away and pretend it doesn't exist x

it was a strange feeling.

like missing parts of yourself you didn’t know you were missing.

the doctors said it simply –  _ shin had been in a coma. _

shin woke up one day, eyes flooded with light and blinking until the small circles in his vision disappeared. he didn’t sit up — couldn’t will his body to move on its own accord.

at first, he didn’t have many thoughts. he couldn’t tell if he had been asleep or if he had simply closed his eyes for a prolonged amount of time. it all felt strange. the only thing his brain was coherent enough to conclude was that he wasn’t at home.

_ what was his home? _

it was strange, really, because shin knew this place was not his home. but when he furrowed his brow and tried to remember what home was; the things that filled it and made it warm—not a thing came to shin. it was a simple thing that any person should be able to recall.  _ what was his home? _

_ a coma. _

the doctor had explained gently, pointing out the healed marks on shin’s body that only left minimal scarring. the doctor looked over a notepad and shin was staring blankly ahead.  _ what was it that he should be feeling exactly? _ the doctor said that it was understandable to be afraid. shin looked back at the physician and relayed the truth –  _ he wasn’t afraid. _

to this, the doctor seemed taken aback—like shin had said something that didn’t make sense with what all the data and notes scrawled over the pages in his notepad said. shin repeated himself, and the doctor laughed uneasily.

shin didn’t have time to marvel at the unprofessionalism of it all as someone barged through the door abruptly. shin regarded them—hands gripping the handle, eyes wide and pink hair in tufts around their brow. a light dust of blush on their cheekbones, eyes lined and lips tinted. long elegant sleeves, heeled shoes and in a dark red from head to toe.

“sys,” shin said, and he felt his heartbeat for the first time since he had woken up. it was familiar, “you look nice.”

sys breathed in, bottom lip trembling and he was rushing over—arms sweeping wide and sleeves bellowing as they wrapped tightly around shin. the doctor was standing, asking the boy to let go –  _ he’s in a state of shock it would be best to keep a distance. _

sys paid no mind, body sagging into shin as a sob broke from his coloured lips—“six months,” was all sys whispered into shin’s neck.

shin noted the smell of peach and cherries—of all things sweet, but not in a sickly way. instead, it was the familiar curl of a herbal reassurance. shin suddenly felt like he had truly woken up. he closed his eyes and took sys in his arms, “it’s good to see you,” shin said softly.

sys weeped.

sys weeped until shin’s hospital gown soaked through and clung to his shoulder. weeped until he was out of breath and exhausted. weeped until shin pulled sys away and said  _ it was okay.  _ told sys he was  _ sorry for scaring him.  _ told sys  _ he was okay. _

sys slowly pulled away, taking a deep breath in as he willed himself to be strong. he took a handkerchief from his pocket, shaking it out as he pressed the expensive material to his eyes. he dabbed the tears away and huffed, “i don’t know what i’d do if i lost you.”

“i know,” shin said, “i’m sorry.”

sys glanced carefully at the doctor who stood in the corner of the room.

“have… have they told you?” sys whispered gently.

shin watched the doctor and sys exchange a look, the physician giving a curt shake of his head.

sys sighed heavily, hand reaching up to cover his face as he took a breath in. sys’ breath wavered, eyes closing as another wave of grief took over sys’ features.  _ i need to tell you something,  _ he was saying and shin was sitting up a little straighter. sys whispered a name—a name that made shin’s head feel dizzy, a slaughter of vertigo and shin was blinking rapidly—pushing the feeling aside. the name—shin didn’t recognise it. was that name meant to mean something?

“sorry, i don’t know who that is,” shin said simply.

this time when sys looked at shin, there was something akin to horror on his face.

–

_ selective memory loss. _

that’s what the doctors had told shin after the rushing and questions and tests were done. shin felt blindsided—blinking and relatively unmoving as he tried to process what was happening.  _ selective memory loss _ , the doctor had said and shin thought somewhere in the crevice of his mind  _ oh, that makes a bit of sense.  _ because none of this was making  _ any  _ sense and it had shin feeling like he was tittering on the edge of some great big drop. however, shin didn’t feel the swell of fear in his chest that often came with looking at your death. instead, he felt as if he were staring down some great, big, inevitable truth that had him doomed since he opened his eyes. but he kept staring—seeing if he could make out what lay in wait for him at the bottom.

sys had a hand over his mouth the whole time—like he was holding back a blood curling scream. he didn’t look at shin. shin felt as if he’d done something wrong. 

the doctor was stepping out of the room, asking sys to follow and sys wordlessly left. his eyes did not meet shin’s once.

shin strained to here the conversation, but it was all whispers and soft cries and shin really couldn’t help but feel guilty.

but he didn’t know what it was he needed to feel guilty about.

_ how can we not tell him?  _ shin heard sys’ voice from outside, outraged and exhausted.

the doctor was hushing, peering through the window of the door momentarily before disappearing again.

–

it was a week later.

the doctor told shin that it would take time—told shin to be easy on himself and let him remember slowly and easily. when shin asked what it was that he wasn’t remembering—the doctor smiled. it was practised.

“trust the process. you may have a lot of questions and it may be tempting to dig for answers but the answers from your own memory will be the most beneficial. i’ve asked your friend to help you ease into it and he’s more than willing to.”

shin didn’t say anything. 

shin was going  _ home.  _ the idea of home was still confusing. didn’t have any sort of structure or order in shin’s head. it was tumbled in with other words that didn’t really have any meaning. jumbled with places and names that shin felt like should have importance to him— but it didn’t. 

when shin was wheeled out of the hospital, sys was waiting for him. slacks, heeled boots and a simple white button down. he had his arms crossed in the cold, looking down at his phone as he leaned back on his pink lamborghini. shin was glad that in six months—at least that hadn’t changed.

sys looked up, face illuminated by the light of his phone screen—it cast dark shadows over his features and when sys smiled, shin felt uneasy as he smiled back. 

it all felt rehearsed. 

sys helped shin into the car without a word and returned the wheelchair to the hospital. when sys made his way back to the car, he was sliding into the driver’s seat, eyes staring ahead as shin saw his face tighten as he mustered courage.

he looked over at shin and smiled—this time shin could tell it was partly real.

“hey,” sys said, fingers reaching over to lightly touch shin’s shoulders, “how’re you feeling?”

shin thought momentarily, “like i rose from the dead.”

sys gave a sharp laugh, too much sound and not enough breath.  _ it was a sensitive spot for sys.  _ sys licked his lips, “yeah, it really feels that way.”

the atmosphere was stiff. uneasy. so many questions and not enough answers to suffice. it was suffocating.

shin looked over at sys and he met shin’s eyes.

shin reached over, arm winding around shin’s neck as he stretched over the space between them. he placed his chin on sys’ shoulder and closed his eyes.

“thank you,” shin said. it was quiet and it wasn’t anything extravagant. like all things shin—it was sombre and felt like it wasn’t really meant to be heard.

sys wound his arms around shin, fitting his chin on shin’s shoulder as he sighed heavily.

there was a tension between them that slowly dissipated. it eased and beckoned the familiar in. because this was shin and sys — childhood friends and comrades through every hardship life had thrown at them. this was shin and sys — two boys who confided in each other and ogled over cute boys together. this was shin and sys — the best of friends.

when they hugged, they hugged with every memory the two had shared and it bridged whatever uncertain water had formed between them. it held them, tying them back together. together. like they always had been. both of them felt their bodies sigh with relief.

“i missed you so much,” sys said sincerely, “i visited every day for three months just in case you woke up. i only stopped when work called me in for longer shifts but i visited every second day. i told you everything that was happening in my life and it really hurt when you were there but couldn’t say a word to me. couldn’t tell me how dramatic i was. couldn’t tell me how i made stupid decisions. i missed that. i missed you.”

shin felt sys’ tears on his shoulder once more and this time, shin felt his own eyes tear up. they both pulled apart, sniffling slightly as sys pulled tissues out from his glove compartment.

“i’m sorry,” shin said, fighting back his tears as he took a shaky breath in.

sys shook his head, “don’t be. you came back. that’s all that matters.”

–

the drive back was quiet — a quietness that came with the comfort of not needing to say a word. sys had both hands on the wheel and shin could tell he was thinking.

shin let his head press against the window, ignoring the way the cool of the glass bit into his cheek. his eyes followed the familiar road—lamplights periodically lining the street. his eyes traced each one—getting stuck in a hypnotic loop—

“sys,” shin said, “what don’t i remember?”

shin didn’t turn his head. he could hear the way sys’ grip tightened on the leather of the wheel. sys was quiet for a moment and shin almost thought the other wouldn’t say anything.

“i…” sys started, “it’s not my place to say anything just yet,” sys said carefully. “if it was up to me, i would tell you everything. but—i’m biased. my decision would be based off my love for you and i know that it wouldn’t be well thought out. the doctor asked me to ease you into it after a few days and see how it goes; so that’s what i’ll do. shin, you’ll remember. i promise. i won’t quit until you do.”

shin turned to look at sys. look at his tired eyes and pale skin. looked at how sys hadn’t been taking care of himself as well as he used to. so, shin didn’t push.

he nodded slowly, “okay,” shin said simply. “it’s okay if I don’t remember, sys. i remember most of the important things anyway.”

when shin looked at sys the next time—sys’ eyes were on shin. and they were devastatingly sad.

–

“are you okay?” sys asked as shin stood in the empty house.

sys had an arm out that shin was holding— legs still shaky and untrained from the months of neglect. 

the first thing shin did was look up at the walls and notice how  _ empty  _ they were. it was an inkling in his chest that made him feel like things shouldn’t be this way. that the walls were meant to be filled and warm. shin looked around the place—it seemed too big for just him.

“this is mine?” shin asked, walking through the living room with sys keeping him on his feet. 

sys nodded; plum-stained lips pressed into a thin line as shin ran his fingers across the material of the cloth couch. there was something about it that made shin’s body heat up. it was familiar in a foreign way. like it was a memory that didn’t belong to him. shin moved into the bathroom. this place too. it felt weird. like shin was having déjà vu over and over.

it was the bedroom that made shin feel the most confused. his head was pounding, heart beat in his ears as he suddenly felt ill. it was overwhelming—the weight of whatever shin couldn’t remember was pressing down on him and he leaned on the door frame, breath short.

“shin?” sys called, hands reaching out to grab shin’s shoulders. shin shook his head, waving sys back.

“it’s okay, i’m good,” shin rushed, taking a deep breath in.

shin felt like he was treading water in the middle of an ocean. his lost memories were weighted stones and every time his head tried to push it felt like he was being pulled underneath. the most logical thing to shin was push his memories aside. cut off the stones. swim to the safety of the shore and move on. walk away.

if they were lost, shin thought to himself,  _ let them be lost. _

“i packed some stuff so that i can stay with you tonight,” sys said, hands moving to pick up his bag.

“you don’t have to—”

“i don’t remember asking your opinion,” sys said sternly. shin was biting his words back, a small smile on his lips. truth be told—he wasn’t sure he even wanted to stay in this place by himself. it was nerve-wracking for some reason.

it felt incomplete and empty in all the wrong places.

“okay,” shin said slowly, “thank you.”

–

shin woke up in the bed and glanced over at where sys had been sleeping. no one was there. shin reached over for his glasses, putting them on carefully.

a note on the bedside table –  _ hey shin, i had work sorry for taking off! i promise i’m not some crusty one night stand xxxxx i just didn’t want to wake you since you always look like such a baby when you sleep. anyways, food’s on the table. eat up! _

shin put the piece of paper to the side, sitting up slowly as he glanced around. for a moment, he felt like he had done it countless of times before— a feeling of familiarity. shin looked to the right side of the bed— _ why did he feel like it was supposed to be filled _ ?

–

shin spent the day laying on the couch. the bedroom seemed too – foreign. so foreign that it felt like it wasn’t even his to lay in. shin ended up seeking refuge on the couch. walking proved difficult—shin’s leg muscles were weak and hadn’t been in use for too long. they tired easily. it didn’t help that shin only slept for an hour last night— far too restless to calm his mind. 

shin glanced out the window of his apartment. the view was nice, high enough that the cars were the size of shin’s hand as they drove passed. he was an accountant. he hadn’t stepped foot in his office for six months. for someone like shin, that was unheard of. he worked to the bone—never took sick leaves and ensured he completed everything on time. shin thought about his clients—thought about the rapport he had built and what would happen when he started work again. he briefly thought about if they cared when they found out shin had gone into a coma. thought if those clients would come back to him if they knew he was awake.

shin sighed—the sun was setting and he hadn’t done much of anything. despite that, he was exhausted—thinking proving to be fatiguing enough. shin’s head lolled over, neck resting on the arm of the couch as he eyed the kitchen.

he should eat something. the doctor had recommended small, easy to digest meals to help shin get started.

shin used his arms to lift himself to his feet, muscles trembling under the weight. he stood still, hand letting go of the couch as he tested his legs warily. when he felt confident, he moved a leg and—

he was crumbling down, hands hitting the floor and buckling as his shoulder hit the timber. he groaned—dulling noting the sharp pain in the side of his head as he lay still for a moment. he breathed heavily, body shaking. his vision was darkening and if it wasn’t a concussion then it was a dizzy spell that had shin immobilised as he breathed heavily on the floor. 

“shit,” he heard someone hiss and shin almost missed it – head pounding so loud it nearly drowned out the sound. but it was there.

shin was opening his eyes slowly, pain blurring his vision and—

“are you okay?” a man was peering over at shin, hair an electric gold and eyes wide.

shin wasn’t sure what way was up and how to focus when the world seemed to be tilting but he blinked a few more times—trying to  _ concentrate— _

a hand brushed his forehead, pushing his hair back and shin let it happen. the hand felt like it had done this time and time again—like the hand had touched shin like this before.

“you’re burning up,” the man whispered. his hands were pushing underneath shin, lifting him up and into the air. shin closed his eyes, exhaustion and pain numbing into some sort of narcotic that pulled at shin— “have you drank enough water today?”

shin didn’t respond, head mindlessly falling onto the man’s chest as they moved through the house.

“you never did look after yourself. i guess somethings never change,” the words were quiet, like a distant memory that shin would soon forget.

shin felt sheets press against his skin, his body lowered onto the bed and he didn’t have time to think about anything else before he was asleep.

–

sys was shaking shin awake, “hey sleepyhead, wake up. you need to eat,” sys insisted and shin stirred, hand coming to touch the side of his throbbing head.

“where…” shin’s voice was hoarse, throat dry as he blinked blearily. he searched around the room momentarily.

sys was looking around, “what’s wrong?”

shin realised that he wasn’t sure. 

he didn’t know anymore, didn’t trust his mind to give him anything worthwhile when it was already such a mess. the man with the gold hair. a memory, a dream or real. 

looking at sys who eyed him curiously, shin swallowed hard.  _ he wasn’t real.  _ it was an adamant conclusion. one that didn’t make any sense, but nothing really did seem to make a lot of sense to shin.  _ a dream _ — he decided. that was what it was.

shin smiled uneasily, “nothing, don’t worry.”

–

“you’re sure you want me to leave?” sys asked again, worry in his voice as he watched shin nod.

“yes. i think i want to be alone tonight.”

“okay… if you’re sure, then… okay,” sys was pulling shin into a hug and shin was hugging back, “call me if you need anything, okay? if you get lonely, or scared i’ll come right away.”

sys was warm so shin let himself hold on a little tighter, nodding slightly. he stepped back, sys’ arms still looped around shin.

“okay,” sys said softly, “okay,  _ goodnight shin _ .”

–

shin was sitting on the couch. he hadn’t fallen asleep—exhaustion spelling him into a state of mindless disarray. it was dark out—faint sounds of cars moving and traffic clearing. it was nearly midnight, shin acknowledged, but sleep wasn’t finding him.. something that made him scared to close his eyes. it was closing his eyes that made him lose six months of his life and now suddenly he became all too of his body and breathing and heart rate whenever he tried to lay down. 

it was terrifying. never knowing when his body would betray him next. never knowing when he’d slip into a state where he would disappear from the world again. 

“i won’t sleep,” shin mumbled to himself, arms wrapping around himself as he pulled his cardigan tight.

time passed and the sound of cars quietened, but still, shin sat there. it had been another hour and shin was set on keeping his back straight—“i won’t sleep,” shin said again, firmly.

who he was saying it for, shin wasn’t sure. he was alone in the house—no one but him and his thoughts.

“I won’t—”

“you won’t sleep,” a voice overlapped with him and shin was startling, head spinning around.

his hands were on the couch, pushing himself up into a half sitting position as he craned his neck to look around the room. his eyes were wide, glasses pushed up as he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise slowly.

he waited another moment, breath caught in his chest—

“i won’t,” shin said. maybe it was stubbornness or maybe it was him slipping into insanity, but shin wasn’t afraid. it was more the comfort of something filling a house that was meant to be filled. it made sense. “I won’t sleep,” shin said again.

“why not?” the voice said and shin stopped trying to chase it—deciding maybe that his head was in a place he didn’t understand and maybe things that weren’t real felt real. shin sat down again for a moment, eyes finding a place on the wall ahead of him.

“i won’t.”

“okay,” the voice sounded unbelieving.

“ _ really _ , i won’t.”

a soft laugh, “okay, okay. i believe you. you’re stubborn so if you say you won’t—you won’t.”

shin glanced to his right side slowly. to the spot next to him on the couch. shin reached out a hand slowly.

“what are you doing?” the voice asked.

“you’re there, right?”

“i’m in your head.”

“you’re not. my head doesn’t sound like you.”

there was quiet for a moment before shin heard a soft sigh.

a moment of stillness—then almost a glitch in reality. the man with gold hair, leaning on the couch arm appeared. his head was tilted slightly up as he looked down at shin over his nose and shin didn’t know what to say, didn’t think he knew what to do.

he let out a scream that he clamped with his own hand as he moved away from the man, further along the couch with uneasy hands and heavy breaths.

the man didn’t say anything in response, eyes observing shin as he sat still.

shin moved his hand off his mouth, “i… i’m going crazy…” shin whispered.

the man breathed out through his nose, slowly moving to sit up straight, “not quite.”

“i’ve lost my mind,” shin said, body trembling and mouth wide open. 

“maybe.”

“are you a hallucination?”

“no.”

“my hallucinations would probably say that.”

“shin,  _ i’m real,”  _ the man was confirming and shin hesitated.

“how do you know my name?”

the man sat still for a moment, eyes wandering off onto the roof as he thought. shin looked at the man. he was beautiful— blonde hair, honey eyes and skin that had seen a good amount of sun. he was tall, filling up his side of the couch— legs long and spread out as he slouched slightly. 

“i know you,” the man said. 

“i don’t know you,” shin responded, hands gripping a pillow nearby. 

this time, he watched as the man’s face flickered with a hurt that pulled down the light from his eyes and dulled the gold in his hair. 

“you know me,” the man said softly, words just being through his lips, “you just don’t  _ remember  _ me.”

and shin was staring at the man who appeared out of nothing— eyes slightly squinted because he felt like they were both crazy. 

“who are you?” shin asked. 

“i’m…” the man didn’t look at shin, fingers fidgeting. 

shin regarded him closely, “how did you appear out of thin air?”

“you still think i’m a hallucination?”

“i  _ think _ — i should call the police.”

the man huffed lightly, small smile on his lips, “do you remember the summer we met? i braided a flower into your hair because i didn’t know you had allergies and you sneezed the entire night. you didn’t take it out though. you said it was because it was pretty. later, you said it was because it was from me. then finally, you said it was because a flower is the sweetest declaration.”

shin didn’t say anything, just watched as the man turned to look at shin, he opened his mouth, “i’m not in your head, shin. i’m not in your head because i know things about you that you don’t even know about yourself.”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” shin said softly— and even though it was a truth, it sounded like a lie. 

“i know,” the man smiled sadly. 

shin blinked and suddenly he was gone— taken back into the air that put him next to shin. 

shin was left alone in the apartment and it was as sudden as the cold. shin glanced out the window, at the ceiling— closed his eyes and then, for some reason, shin cried. 

  
  
  


—

  
  
  


sys told shin they were gonna start his memory recovery today. they were both seated at the dining table and shin had bags under his eyes that sys was worrying over. 

“you haven’t been sleeping,” sys stated. 

it had been four days since the man in his house incident and shin didn’t know how to sleep. between that and the anxiety shin had of slipping into another coma— rest wasn’t something shin found easily. 

“yeah, sorry. been thinking a lot,” shin offered and sys was frowning slightly. 

“don’t apologise, i just meant— i’m worried.”

shin sighed, hands running through his hair, “yeah, i know.”

“you can talk to me— you know that, right?”

shin smiled, it was forced and it held weight because of course he could talk to sys but sys was busy. he would always make time for shin but it would take away from the time the man had to work and rest and be in a functioning relationship and—

shin knew that he  _ could  _ talk to sys. but he also knew he didn’t want to. 

so shin nodded, “i know,” he said simply and sys sighed. 

“okay,” sys said slowly. he sighed as he opened the photo album, “well, we were gonna start your recovery today, are you still up for it?”

shin nodded and sys moved closer to him. 

“okay,” sys laid out the album in front of shin. “this is you and me at the science convention in high school. do you remember that?”

shin’s lips twitched upwards, “yeah,” he nodded, “i came first and you went around telling the whole school that because i was a science geek i could make them all weed.”

sys sighed happily, “good times.”

they flicked through the years, sys pointing and giving a small explanation and shin finishing the memory off because  _ how could shin forget these things?  _ they were important. 

when shin said that exact thing to sys— sys flinched— like shin’s words burnt him and he didn’t look at shin. he sat still for a moment, then began flicking through the album pages. 

shin watched the photos fly passed, things he recalled from years ago soaring through his vision until—

blonde hair, golden eyes. 

_ the man.  _

shin sat still. eyes trained on the photo in front of him. it was a photo of the man with an arm around shin’s shoulders. the blonde had a wide grin— happy and cheerful. shin wasn’t smiling but there was something in his eye that made shin inclined to believe that in that moment— he too, was happy. 

“shin, do you remember this?” sys asked carefully.

shin didn’t say a word. eyes blinking. maybe if he stared at it long enough— maybe something would come to mind. time passed, his breathing quickened—

shin slowly shook his head, eyes never leaving the photograph. 

“this was before the first year of college. there was a party and this was taken right at the end. you two met on that night. it was the start of summer. you told me you never wanted to leave,” sys said. 

shin didn’t move a muscle— holding his breath as sys’ words played in his head. 

“i don’t remember,” shin finally said, breath escaping him with the last of his effort. 

sys was slowly closing the book, “i think that’s enough for today.”

shin’s eyes were trained on the wooden table, “sys, who is he?”

sys studied shin’s face, “his name was wolfgang.”

“was…?”

“he died six months ago.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> twt kiingsmaker


End file.
